Emotional Levels of Sex

After re-read my posts, especially the Chinese version, I felt I need to clarify some of my word usage. When I described my sex encounters, I used the Chinese word “性交” for sex activities. 性交, sometimes consider vulgar because it's association with sex, is a biological term for sex. A purely biological function sans emotions. That's exactly why I choose the word. I do not used the word for its vulgarity. I used the word to describe a sexual encounter that's purely biological.
I normally separate sex into several levels: rape, fuck/sex, and make love. I was brutally raped in college. It was a traumatic experience. Rape obviously means that the sex isn't consensual and obviously no positive emotion involved.
Fuck and sex, to me at least, means that the sexual activities, may or may not be enjoyable, are purely biological. There are no emotions involved with fuck. Just a purely biological function. My encounters in sex clubs are like that. They satisfy my biological urge without any emotional attachments. Sometimes “sex” to me means that with some degree of positive emotions involved. I have several stable sexual partners. Obviously I like them a lot. Having sex with them feel more emotional involved than with people I met in sex clubs. However, there is no romantic feeling towards my stable sexual partners.
Make love means that I truly love the person that I am with. I was in several serious relationships. I was truly in love with them. The sex was with the most positive emotions involved.
I also felt that some clarification needed when I used the word “lover”. Well, obviously I don't love my lovers. I just found the word a lot more poetic than sexual partner. “Sexual partner” is too mechanical, too cold. I guess I, although jaded, am still romantic at heart.

在重讀過我的文章後﹐尤其是中文的部份﹐我覺得有必要說明我的用字。當我描寫性愛時﹐我用“性交”這個字眼。性交在中文裡﹐純粹是生理功能﹐沒有情感的瓜葛。這正是我想要表達的。因為“性交”這個字眼牽扯到性﹐因此在中文中有時會被認為是不好的字﹐但是我完全沒有這個意思﹐純粹想表達一種沒有感情的性。
一般來說﹐我把性分成幾個程度﹕強姦﹐性交﹐還有做愛。我在大學時曾經被兩個黑人以凶殘的手段強暴﹐被強暴是個非常痛苦的經驗。 強暴自然表示說性並不是在雙方同意下發生的﹐而且沒有正面的感情在內。
Fuck和sex對我來說﹐不論享不享受﹐都是沒有感情﹐純粹是生理機能。我在性愛俱樂部的對象就是如此﹐他們滿足了我生理上的需求﹐但是不必有感情上的瓜葛。性交對我而言﹐有幾分感情在內。我有幾個固定的性伴侶。當然我還滿喜歡他們的。跟他們上床比和性愛俱樂部的人要有感情多了。然而我對我的固定性伴侶們並沒有浪漫的感情。
做愛代表我真的愛上了和我一起的人。我曾經有過幾段認真的感情。我真的很愛他們。跟他們的性愛是最有感情的。
我覺得也有必要澄清我使用“lover”這個字。自然的﹐我並不愛我的lover﹐我只是覺得lover這個字比性伴侶更有詩意。性伴侶感覺太機器化﹐太冰冷。我想即使是像我這樣歷練豐富的人﹐內心還是保有點浪漫。